Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
