I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
