I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
