she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
