I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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