I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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