Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
