the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
