He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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