I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I FOUND THE LEGS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
