Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
