Small penises have feelings too.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
