oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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