she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
