I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
