somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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