Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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