He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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