"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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