Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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