We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
