Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
