Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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