I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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