Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
