I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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