it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
