he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this just has baby written all over it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
