finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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