my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i barfeds in our rink
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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