did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
