I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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