i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
