Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
