I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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