i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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