I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
did i just pee glitter
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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