no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
