she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
