Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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