A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
