I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
