so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
