Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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