butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
