k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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