I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cannot find my penis.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
