Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
