That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
