If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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