If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
