We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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